Sometimes runs come at you totally unexpectedly.
There I was, on a totally nondescript Friday afternoon, just faffing around doing nothing really in particular and within 30 minutes I was out in dreary drizzle about to set off on a run with Iverene.
We had been messaging briefly before she asked me if I wanted to go out for a potter. She hadn’t been out for nine days, and I’ve been rubbish at running lately, so it was to our mutual benefit to squeeze a quick 5k in.
I’ll admit to being full of trepidation. As I said, I’ve been rubbish. I know there have been health issues behind it but because my only real talent is being too hard on myself I’ve just considered myself crap.
I warned her about this, that my level of crapness would be off the charts. Outside of C25K sessions I hadn’t run with anyone for weeks, partly because I’ve been avoiding it since I have been so rubbish.
Anyway, we have to face our fears so I agreed to the run to face mine.
We basically ran to the industrial estate the other way round before exiting along the dual carriageway and back down through the estate. A bog standard basic 5k, nothing exciting or inspiring.
And I was crap. I knew I’d be. It wasn’t even physical, my breathing was ok and my legs were ok … no, all my problems were mental. Pure and simple, I just didn’t believe I could do this. The pressure of running with someone, and the fear of letting them down was too much for me at times.
That was absolutely no reflection on Iverene. She was as supportive as she always is, batted away my continual apologies and it was fantastic to catch up with her properly after what seemed like ages. I also have to thank her for the offer of a run, it was what I needed and I know it’ll do me the world of good.
On a slightly positive note I was six seconds faster per mile than my 5k a week ago so I can look on that as progress even if it doesn’t feel like it.
All I can do is keep plugging away and trust that ‘it’ will come back to me eventually. That seems a long way off at the minute but I have to keep trying.