I’m not going to lie. It’s been a difficult few days. It might well be difficult for a few days yet.
The whys and wherefores are for another time and place but, for now, it has been having a negative impact on my running. Or lack of running.
I hadn’t been out since Sunday night. I haven’t wanted to, and I had zero confidence that if I’d started I would have even got very far.
I had myself convinced that everything I’ve built up over the past few weeks has gone. That I’m rubbish enough for it all to go after just three days off. Sometimes I’m not on speaking terms with logic and, at present, our relationship is as bad as it’s ever been.
But, still, there was enough of a spark within me to drag me kicking and (internally) screaming out the door this evening.
Because I’m training for the Loch Ness Marathon (even though it’ll be inevitably cancelled) tonight was the start of week three. I’m following a 22-week programme, which has advanced and beginner options.
I’ve been following the advanced schedule so far but because I’ve been struggling mentally lately I elected to be good to myself for once and drop down to beginner level for a few days.
That meant a two-mile run. Not much in the grand scheme of things but at least being able to do that would mean I wouldn’t have lost anything that I’ve built up fast tracking myself through C25K in recent weeks.
Starting off, I didn’t even think I could do that so I slowed it right down and decided that no matter how slow I went it’d be ok as long as I didn’t stop.
And neither I did. Because I’m hard on myself I still saw it as a failure for not sticking to the advanced plan but at least by completing those two miles (or 2.3 as it turned out before I decided to call it a night) I kept my training on track.
There’ll be other days for going further, going faster, pushing myself and being happy with myself but tonight was simply all about getting over what threatened to turn into a very big hump.
Playlist: Song To The Siren (This Mortal Coil), Redemption Song (Bob Marley & The Wailers), Walking In My Shoes (Depeche Mode), Monkey Gone To Heaven (Pixies), The Maker (Daniel Lanois), Satellite Of Love (Lou Reed), Con Te Partiro (Andrea Bocelli), Jeremy (Pearl Jam), Hurt (Johnny Cash)